Thursday, February 16, 2012

Underwear Drawer Discovery: The Solidified Version

A few days ago I was perusing my selection of undies: everyday undies, undies that give me wedgies because they were made to do so and apparently that's HOT, Vegas undies (nuff said), workout undies, the undies that I only wear when all the other undies are in the laundry (yeah, that happens cuz I hate doing laundry with a PASSION). . . when all of a sudden I stabbed myself with something hard and pokey. My mind raced. Did I leave my pocket knife open in the drawer? No, because I don't even have a pocket knife. Could it be a taser that I bought from that one weird magazine that shows up in the mail making me paranoid that the mail lady thinks we might be preparing for the end of times by buying all of the most psychotic weaponry on the market? NOPE, cuz I don't own one of those either. Pheeew! Then what in the hellzers was it?!

It was this!

A pokey, solidified Fazoli's bread stick piece!

Of course! Why wouldn't I have one of those in my underwear drawer?! I have a lot of crazy shit in there, and (without giving away too many personal secrets) this totally fits right in with its contents!

Anyway, after my fit of pure joy subsided, I wondered how in the name of Samuel L. Jackson did this solidified wonder end up in my underwear drawer?

Sam as Jules ~"You, flock of seagulls, you know why we're here? Why don't you tell my man, Vincent, where you got the shit hid at?"
Me ~ "Hey man, relax!  It's in my underwear drawer!"

 I came up with the following:
1. I was the victim/winner (depending on your perception of things) of a Fazoli's worker pantie raid.

2. The Hamburglar lost his job so he went and applied at Fazoli's for the Breadstickburglar position where he received all the bread sticks he could eat as he filled out his application and pocketed a few.  While waiting to hear back from them, he continued on with his part time position with Victoria Secret as the Underwearburgler and payed a visit to my drawer.  By the way, if you didn't already know, he is a horrible burglar cuz he always leaves evidence behind.  That's why he can't hold a job for very long, PLUS his outfit is a dead giveaway.

Or 3. My kids had something to do with it.  Even though that is probably the most logical and accurate answer, I still like to believe that I have an awesome selection of undies and options 1 and 2 are possible.  A girl can dream!! 



  1. I believe number 2. LOL!!!

    A former neighbor had a sheepdog named Holly. Holly was a fine sheepdog. One day our neighbor happened to notice from her window pastel pinks and blues out in her yard. Upon closer inspection in the out of doors she discovered the pastel patches were intermingled with Holly's poop and happened to be bits and pieces of our neighbor's underwear.

    1. That's hilarious!! I remember hearing about a neighbor's dog who had an obstruction and had to have surgery. They pulled out a pair of his owner's underwear. That provided me with lots of entertainment! I can only imagine her embarrassment. I hope they were cute undies and not a giant pair of granny panties!