Monday, February 6, 2012

How To Pee And Hit the Toilet At the Same Time

Lesson of the day~ How to pee and hit the toilet at the same time (Side note~ if this is an issue for any of you ladies, you are doing absolutely EVERYTHING wrong). Ok, hidden in the depths of your pants/shorts is a penis. This is where the pee comes out. It is your very own personal hose. 1. Pull your pants down far enough so you don't have a kink in your hose which could cause you to hit the... wall or some other object in the bathroom that your mom/wife/girlfriend/grandma doesn't want to clean. 2. Pay attention to what you are doing the whole time! This is not the time to space off and think about what you will be eating once you leave the bathroom or anything funny for that matter as your giggling will cause a wave in your pee stream causing your pee to hit things other than the toilet water that, again, no one else wants to clean. 3. If you know ahead of time that your stream will not shoot directly into the water for various reasons, just sit down for this one time. No one will ever know!! 4. Always pee alone!! When you pee with another male, the urge to play swords is too overwhelming to avoid causing, once again, someone else to have to clean up the innocent bystanders. 5. Once you're finished, contrary to popular belief, shaking it more than once is NOT playing with yourself (which if that needs to happen you're in the right place for that anyway). Shake it as many times as needed to make sure to avoid dropping pee anywhere else other than the toilet water itself. 6. If you happen to pee anywhere else other than in the toilet water, CLEAN IT UP YOURSELF!!

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